S.D. Onyango 11/5/22 S.D. Onyango 11/5/22

"CALLING IN BLACK": Affirming my humanity as a Black Woman at work.

“If you are silent about your pain, they will kill you and say you enjoyed it” - Zora Neale Hurston.

“10”! A high or low number, depending on how you look at it or the circumstances. It was a number i was proud of, a badge of honour of sorts, a vision and reality of how “strong”, “resilient”, “efficient” and “dependable” i was. I mean i was a put -your -head -and -work- kind of person, just get on with it. What i didn’t realise was that, perfect number 10 was killing me, taking it’s toll on me and was in some ways, rooted in racism! You see, for 15 years working as a qualified nurse, i had only taken 10 sick off days! i had a near perfect sickness record, but my mind and body were falling apart!( I write about this in a previous blog post: https://www.ayiechoodembiconsultancy.com/about-healthcare/racism-in-health-a-patient-safety-issue-navigating-healthcare-while-black-part-2

“Calling - in - Black” to work was journalist and social media satirist,Evelyn Ngugi’s way of affirming her humanity to herself by staying home from work to deal with the feelings of grief and it’s emotional toll after being overwhelmed by traumatic events around violence and trauma fueled by racism faced by Black/ African American persons in the U.S.A, according to Byers et al who wrote about her work in their paper: -Giving while grieving: Racism-related stress and psychological resilience in Black/African American registered nurses. Their paper looked at race related stress in the healthcare system and how Racism-related stress can affect nurses’ engagement, performance and practice. It is a great read and worthwhile read

Byers et al are not alone in looking at how racism affects the mental health of Black Nurses, according to a study conducted by Nursing Outlook, cited by Portia Wofford in her post : - Black Nurses’ Mental Health Matters, Black nurses perceived that they had low psychological resilience in stressful situations and were affected by both lived and vicarious racism. Portia also includes this quote below in her post which resonated deeply with me about my previous and current experiences within my workplace and how i now choose to respond to them.

According to psychotherapist Megan Watson, "Microaggressions and macroaggressions in the workplace, that stem from patients, colleges, supervisors, management, and the institution itself might be rooted in racist ideology and can put a heavy burden on the work that you do and ultimately impacts your burnout."

How does all this relate to me and my sickness record? Well after years of enduring pain and illness, showing up to work regardless of how i was feeling, because taking time off sick was (and is still) frowned upon, more so for us Black Nurses in the NHS, COVID19 happened and finally there were conversations happening around workload, racism, mental health and burnout especially around and about Black healthcare workers. For the first time, it was laid bare the unfair and uneven system and bias with regards to all four and more that had been placed on Black healthcare workers and the toll it had taken. Conversations around and about change were happening. Organisations promised to do better, be better, but words without actions are just that, words!

Fast forward to 2022, and i am working at a new organisation, a global one at that, with branches worldwide and nothing has changed. The racist ‘Strong Black Woman’ myth is still firmly in place. The myth that as a Black Woman/Nurse, you can do it all, you can manage the heavy workload without help at all and you will be more than fine, since you are a Black Woman and a strong one at that! It is coated in fake accolades, that tell you how efficient you are, how capable you are, how you just ‘get on’ with it, while more work is piled on and you dig in, carry on, because, as a Black Woman, you know you have to do the work or else you and your work will be called into question. You carry the load even as it breaks your back and mind. Do not be fooled by the accolades, the false praises that are slowly sending you to your grave, eating at your soul. Do not be fooled, no one is coming to save you!

So while, nothing seems to have changed, I have. It’s business as usual on the ‘trample on Black folks/Women’ street. So i am glad that i learned from my past mistakes, my betrayal of self and body. I learnt not to be taken in by the accolades. To see the situation for what it was, exploitation, rooted in racist ideologies. I learnt to listen to my soul and body. So next time the myth of the ‘Strong Black Woman’ came calling, and tried to break my body and soul, I listened to my soul and body and I Called in Black! I mean what is a perfect score worth, if you are not around to enjoy it because your body is totally broken or you are 6 feet under? Like Zora Neale Hurston said: “ If you are silent about your pain, they will kill you and say you enjoyed it!”

Do not suffer in silence, there are steps you can take to safeguard yourself:

Talk to your manager about your work conditions and if your manger is the problem, find out who your HR person and what your workplace policy is around raising grievances and complaints and escalate the issue. Write a letter/email highlighting the issues you face and who you have raised it with and when and what was the outcome. That way there is a record and not just a word of mouth scenario. See also https://www.gov.uk/raise-grievance-at-work of how it should work and what to expect.
Ask about your organisations Occupational Health Policy. Occupational health can help establish a safe working environment for you by providing a range of services which could include recommendations around safe work loads and safe working spaces with correct equipment. You can read more at: https://www.acas.org.uk/using-occupational-health-at-work

"CALLING IN BLACK": Affirming my humanity as a Black Woman at work.

“If you are silent about your pain, they will kill you and say you enjoyed it” - Zora Neale Hurston.

Further reading/resources: