Of Crossroads and Pivots

Most of us over the course of our lives have experienced some form of toxicity in a relationship be it at home, work, on a personal or professional level and have probably asked ourselves how did we get there or how can we leave or have recognised that we need to leave but are scared of what happens next! Fear of the unknown coupled with the uncomfortable comfort of the known. These concerns or thoughts become more profound when you have had a long relationship spanning years or even decades with whomever or whatever situation you are trying to leave behind. Most people when asked will tell you to just leave, but it is never that simple especially if it is all you have known as an adult and have a love/hate relationship. Over the last couple of years, I have found myself asking these same questions. How do I leave given the love/hate relationship I have, not to mention that my whole adult identity is tied to this very thing that is sucking the life and soul out of me? How do I leave the toxic profession that Nursing has become, when it is all that I have known but is no longer excited about, more so as a Black Nurse?

I have gained a lot in being a nurse and from nursing but at the same time nursing has taken a lot from me, sometimes I think more than I have gained. I recently came across a post on LinkedIn by a nurse, a proud one at that, who stated how nursing was and still is his whole identity and will forever be and I was conflicted because I understand his sentiment, as a nurse your whole life and identity revolves around nursing, how you act within and outside of work and how you are expected to live and interact with society. It's all consuming and the reason I am conflicted is because I currently have a love hate relationship with nursing. It's like that toxic partner that you are trying to leave but they keep reeling you back even though you know they are not good for you. Not good for your physical and mental health not to mention your financial health but they are comfortable, all you have known, familiar. Nursing doesn't love us Black nurses, be it our places of work, those we care for, our unions and even our governing body! That's a lot to deal with and one can't unsee the disdain and contempt and the appalling treatment we get. It's disheartening when you give 110%, when you look around and equitable healthcare, health services and work conditions are not afforded to those of us who are Black especially Black Women. Nurses be everywhere and that is a good thing given the diverse unique set of skills nurses have that are transferable to lots of industries. I can only be thankful for the opportunities, people and friends that I have had and met through my work as a nurse, the lives that have impacted mine and those that I have had the privilege of being a part of even though there have been days when I have questioned why I became a nurse. From the inequalities witnessed while training to the experience of racism and how widely it is embedded in everyday life, nursing notwithstanding.

Once again I find myself at a crossroad, needing to forge a new path ahead. I walk in grace and have faith that whatever path I choose at this season of my life, I will still advocate for nursing and nurses to be valued, especially Black nurses, as we are witnessing in real time the decline in health care services and patient outcomes due to how nursing and nurses and the brilliant work they do has been undervalued not only here in the UK but worldwide. As a service user myself having witnessed the health inequalities Black Patients experience firsthand, I will also still be a loud advocate for equity in healthcare for Black patients. Because racial weathering is a thing and racism does kill and should be a public health emergency, it's only fitting that I end with the words of Bossbabe.Inc: 

“ I’m shifting from my hustle era to: My balanced era. My soft era. My ‘nervous system is calm’ era. My ‘work smarter, not harder’ era. My ‘know my worth, regardless of results’ era.”

Are you Hustling backwards?!

Onwards to new adventures!

One of my favourite programmes on the BBC used to be ‘Wanted Down Under’. It followed families who wanted to relocate to Australia or New Zealand, from helping them find homes, jobs while also giving them a reality check via a comparison cost of living between the UK and their dream new life in a bid to find out if the dream was affordable. For some the better salary and cost of living afforded by moving made the dream a reality and for others it meant hustling backwards, with their dreams deferred or abandoned.

Making the decision to leave home and start a new and hopefully better life in a new place or country is something humans have been doing since time immemorial and it’s a decision that is never taken lightly. For some it is the lure of a better work life balance, affording them more family time or more time to indulge in life long hobbies or passions. For others it is the promise of a regular paycheck and the job security that comes with it, a way to support themselves and their families free from worry and stress of not knowing if they would be able to do so day after day. It is this latter reason that i would like to focus on, because more often than not, the lure of a regular paycheck and job security blinds us and we do not take into account the full picture of what the cost will be and if it is at all worth it.

How can i make sure that my take home pay will be sufficient?

In my book ‘ The Extreme Sport of Nursing While Black : A Survival Guide’ , I talk about the importance of negotiating your salary so that you get paid your worth as well as really scrutinising your contract for any issues before signing on the dotted line. While this is still sound advice, i would like to add another tip, especially for Nurses being recruited from abroad, and that is to carry out a cost of living calculation to find out if would be able to live comfortably with the money you would be paid, your take home pay.

The first step would be to find out what your take home pay would be after all deductions, do not be fooled by the salary figure quoted, as that is normally your gross and not net which is likely to be significantly lower! Remember to ask during the recruitment process and not after you have signed your employment contract! The Salary Calculator is a handy site that helps you calculate how much your take home pay would be approximately. You can customise to see your take home pay yearly, monthly, weekly or even daily. This would give you a rough idea of what you are actually being paid and from that you can then do your cost of living calculations.

Armed with this information and your calculations, you can then make an informed decision whether it is worth it to take that job and uproot yourself from all that you know, or if you can negotiate for a better pay or hold out for one or better still, if staying and diversifying your income portfolio would be best. Whatever decision you make, make it work for you and having the full picture salary wise is one step in that direction and towards a financially secure future.

Here’s to Hustling forwards, always!

The Wandering Nurse x

A Bundle of Joy and a Great Sadness

It was the last week of Block 2 exams and we were busy revising, while waiting to find out where our next placements would be. I was also waiting for news about my friend who was due to give birth any day soon. I did not have to wait long, because, the afternoon of 30th August, she sent word that she was in labour and being a Nurse/Midwife and a Primigravida, she was waiting until her contractions were frequent before coming into hospital. So i waited anxiously .

Around 7pm, i was informed that she was at the maternity ward and was asking for me. The ward was full as it was baby boom season and we quickly settled her in but my friend had other ideas. in the absence of any pain relief, she decided to go crouch by the water tank. This water tank was the bane of all Nurses/Midwives as it was outside in a dark area with no light source, not to mention filthy, but labour pains made my friend forget all this. So we sat, cursed( she doing the cursing) while i cajoled her to please consider coming inside.

After hours and lengthy negotiations and her insistence that i not leave her side at all, i managed to get her into the delivery room for one last V.E to check her dilation progress, in between reassuring her husband that all was fine. At 8 cms it was almost time. Room prepared and delivery pack at the ready, it was time. Although tired and sleep deprived, given it was around 2 am next morning, i was excited that i was finally going to meet this bundle of joy. At 10cms, we ask her to push with the next contractions.

It soon becomes clear that an episiotomy is neccesary, she just wants it over with. Crowning, screaming, swearing with lots of encouragement, out pops the head with a great deal of lovely black hair. i remark at how lovely the mop of hair is, my friend goes into full meltdown. Turns out she wanted a bald child and refuses to push any further! we are stuck, she is determined to close her legs and go to sleep. We enter panic mode, appealing to maternal instincts not to harm the child. To please push so we can deliver the child safely.

She is having none of it! but at least she stays on her back. It's now all hands on deck or we lose the child. Hand on belly with next contraction two apply fundal pressure while the rest try to get the child safely out. Finally the child is safely delivered. All is well, she is tired but thrilled and both parents are happy to meet their Son. I am tired to say the least, sleep deprived and have exams in a couple of hours. I finally excuse myself with a promise to come back later to visit before they go home.

I walk back to the nursing school, its almost sunrise. Exams start at 8am and i have not slept a wink. As i pass by the dining hall, breakfast is being prepared. i relay the good news to the cooks. The telly is on and the News about Princess Diana’s death is being announced. As i climb the stairs to my room, shocked and numb. I am reminded of the reality of life: one life begining, whilst another one was ending!